As I looked out the curtains late Halloween night, I could see a few last hard-core trick or treaters scouring the neighborhood for any fool that was still passing out candy. My own bowl was empty so I reached over and flicked the light switch, banishing ghouls and ghosts for another year. Sigh....in my head I could still hear the happy screams of terror and the excited giggles of three year-olds with a mouth full of tootsie rolls. I paused, before I turned around, to savor the "haunted sounds" soundtrack that we play on a loop. But something was WRONG! The music had stopped! I felt my pulse quicken in my veins. Was this Halloween turning turning into a real nightmare? Without warning, the stereo came back on full force. A low bass vibrated through my bones, while a sharp ringing penetrated my ears drums! It was happening again. Just like last year. I was forced to my knees. Using every bit of strength left in me I crawled towards the stereo. The pain was excruciating. Next to the cd player my wife stood with an eerie smile on her face. She looked at me and laughed. I felt a tear well up in my eye. How could she do this to me? After all these years? I looked at her. She looked at me. Then, she opened her mouth and starting singing along to the music "Have a Holly Jolly Christmas! It's the best time of the year!"
Yes, even before the cobwebs have cleared from Halloween, my wife starts torturing me with Christmas music. It won't stop until after Easter.
Thursday, November 8, 2007
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Headline: BYU Student Falls Into a Vat of Toxic Waste!
Wednesday Sept 11, 2007
Early this morning BYU Geology student Patrick Darby was blindsided by a fellow student and thrown into a vat of toxic waste while working in the subterranian tunnels below campus. The disgruntled student, whose name has been withheld by campus police, was furious that Patrick had listed Battlefield Earth as a "Worst Movie Ever" pick on his blog.
Rescue workers worked over two minutes carefully pulling Patrick out of the glowing green ooze. Efforts were hampered by four miniature turtles that had apparently been dumped down a drain and had found their way to the ooze. When BYU officials were asked to respond to the claims that BYU's nuclear program, dubbed "The Bronx Project" by insiders, had for years been storing illegal waste under the campus, the college representative kept repeating the phrase " Have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moon light?"
Provo County health officials deny that any mutations have ever occured in the past from falling into vats of toxic waste. Meanwhile, Patrick himself claims that "it's not like I was bit by a radioactive spider or anything." And that he is fine with only a slight headache to remind him of his horrid experience. His only pause came when he thought that maybe, just maybe, he had turned invisible when no one was watching. Only the future can tell what mysterious powers will show themselves after this tragic accident.
Early this morning BYU Geology student Patrick Darby was blindsided by a fellow student and thrown into a vat of toxic waste while working in the subterranian tunnels below campus. The disgruntled student, whose name has been withheld by campus police, was furious that Patrick had listed Battlefield Earth as a "Worst Movie Ever" pick on his blog.
Rescue workers worked over two minutes carefully pulling Patrick out of the glowing green ooze. Efforts were hampered by four miniature turtles that had apparently been dumped down a drain and had found their way to the ooze. When BYU officials were asked to respond to the claims that BYU's nuclear program, dubbed "The Bronx Project" by insiders, had for years been storing illegal waste under the campus, the college representative kept repeating the phrase " Have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moon light?"
Provo County health officials deny that any mutations have ever occured in the past from falling into vats of toxic waste. Meanwhile, Patrick himself claims that "it's not like I was bit by a radioactive spider or anything." And that he is fine with only a slight headache to remind him of his horrid experience. His only pause came when he thought that maybe, just maybe, he had turned invisible when no one was watching. Only the future can tell what mysterious powers will show themselves after this tragic accident.
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